Of all the emotions, sadness sticks around longer than we’d like it to. The dark clouds overtake us often out of the clear blue sky and bring us to the depths of despair as quickly as a storm moving in.
Have you ever embraced it? Welcomed it in, acknowledged it, and given it space to do what it needs to do?
I’ve been in this storm for over four months now, allowing myself to cry, but more importantly, allowing myself to feel. Because that is what has been missing from my life all these years. For some reason, I know that sadness is the gate I must pass through. Grief accumulated through the years and suppressed, hidden from, and ignored. There were times it broke through, like when my mom died suddenly, but mostly I managed to keep it buried under a shell of hard work and ego driven career success….while on some level I was suffering and not having the faintest idea why.
Now that the clouds are beginning to break, I want to thank Ryan for breaking my heart and cutting me loose to face this storm on my own. I never would’ve faced it any other way. We weren’t right together, but for a moment, we were both sheltered from the storms of our lives in each other’s embrace. For a moment, life was a little less lonely and a little more exciting.
Glimpses of sunshine peek through now and again, and I’m beginning to feel the warmth emerging. The sadness is purifying me, cleansing me in a way I never imagined possible. Each tear releases a tiny bit of the pressure that’s accumulated over the years. Each tear cracks the door a bit wider to a different kind of life, one that I’ve never experienced before.
As I peek through and feel the radiance of what’s on the other side, I suddenly understand where all the beautiful sad songs, stories, and poetry come from. The “tortured” artists are teaching us to embrace the pain so that we can feel the entire spectrum of emotions. Joy and bliss are on the other side of sadness and grief. Contentment is earned, and no one reaches it without passing through the crucible first.
